My childhood was a rough one, I’m embarrassed now to admit just how much I hated myself and my life.
Though I tried to forget as much as I could I can specifically remember sneaking down to watch my favorite show every Wednesday night just after after my bed time.
Every week Sam Beckett played by Scott Bakula would find himself in someone else’s body with partial amnesia.
Each episode he would SET THINGS RIGHT which once went wrong. One day a black female who had been raped, a man with down syndrome trying to get a job, a good man wrongly accused of murder, a drug addicted boxer etc. Sam’s only way out of this troubled life and body, that was not his own was to fix what went wrong in this persons life
As Sam would leap from life to life, each time he would hope that it was taking him home.
For me, every morning I would feel myself awake as I lay in bed. Keeping my eyes closed shut, I would slowly move in front of where the mirror was in my room (just like Sam), hoping and praying that I could wake up with a different face, in a different time, with a different life.
I would let my imagination run wild, hoping and praying that I could be anyone but me.
When I was 2 years old my father was put in a bad car accident that left him paralyzed and mom worked around the clock to support us. But after a few years of the verbal abuse and the unhealthy we lived in…my mom took me, and we moved.
Far enough away that we could try to have a new life, but close enough for me not to grow up without a father.
Around this time I clearly remember some older boys taking me into the wooden day when i was about 5 years old. I’ll spare you the details of the unspeakable acts the did to me that day, but every time I go home I still dream of setting fire to that piece of land, and that piece of my history.
Throughout my childhood, because I felt so uncomfortable in my own body, I would touch myself on my crotch almost uncontrollably,. hundreds of times a day.
This didn’t exactly make me the cool kid at school and got picked on a lot. Teachers, kids, parents of kids even would always ask me “Eli why do you play with yourself?”
I never knew what to say…so I just stayed quiet.
I began to create a different reality in my mind because the real one was too painful to bear.
My mom and I moved around a lot n Caroline County, and no matter where we went I attracted darkness to me.
By the time i was 14 I had FOUR MORE experiences, similar to what happened in the woods, all with older men.
But now, I was in high school and probably due to the fear of being beaten up daily, I was able to break the habit of touching myself, though I still got teased. I worked out a lot and would usually beat the piss out of people for doing so… and so it stoped.
I found release from pushing myself physically, and was actually able to create friendships and some small sense of “self”.
I no longer dreamt myself as someone else….but I instead, I imagined a life of my own far better than my reality.
By the grace of God, miracles started to happen, including my mom winning the lottery and being able to fulfill her dream of sending me to college.
And I’d like to tell you that life has been perfect since, but that would be far from the truth.
Being bullied so much myself, I often bullied others. My anger made me quite strong and when people would get to close to me I would find away to sabotage the relationship.
Over the years I have abused every drug (form pot to crystal meth), I’ve had 7 DWI’s and spent quite a bit of time in jail.
At 23 years old after living in a tent for 8 months in the Colorado rockies, I found my self in a jury trial looking at 6 months in jail. I began then to learn influence skills simply out of necessity and talked my way out of it…although everyone in the room new I was guilty as hell.
I deemed this miracle, to have come strait down from heaven, and promised God to change my ways as I moved to LA.
More miracles started to happen in my life as soon as I got here. The doors of Hollywood were wide open for me. But because of my tendencies that came from a deep self hatred I again began again to sabotage myself.
I befriended a man who was a charismatic drug dealer, and one night he basically roofied me attempting to have sex with me.
I remember the urge coming back to touch myself again the next day…the deep discomfort in my own skin, and desire to end my life.
I quit taking acting classes, stopped communication with my agent, hung around drug addicts, and basically checked out emotionally from life.
The next couple years were tough for me. My grandfather passed, I was fired from my job in rockstar fashion, and I was broke.
I then found self development through an event where Tony Robbins spoke. My relationship with men was not the best, but I trusted the guy, despite his massive size, and actually became quite inspired to change my life. He was warm, loving, charismatic and a force for good. His teachings put my faith back in people, and in myself.
In 2013 however I was denied a position within the organization because failed a drug test where they found cocaine… again attempting to sabotage the relationship, and it was working.
Fortunately a year later, I got the call, and they gave me a second chance. Since then I went on to sell more than anyone else in the company. You could say I was paying a debt of gratitude.
Scotty, Tony and Bonnie have been angels in my life.
Since then i’ve been helping people with influence but really doing my best to help them influence themselves. Desiring more than anything the earn this life I’m now so blessed to live.
I have no reason to share this with you other than to say, if you are in a tough spot. Never give up on yourself.
We all have some healing to do with our inner-child. I realize my inner child is like a special needs child and well, has needed a shit load of help.
I now have routines as well as friendships in my life that have helped me to raise my standards, and this has made all the difference.
If I can do it… I know you can too. No matter where you are today, and no matter what your past may tell you.
When you wake up tomorrow, look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of who you are, speak highly of yourself, love yourself, and your inner child. Make a QUANTUM LEAP TO THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS.
Thank you for reading, and giving that silent, scared child in me a voice. And I hope its moved you now, to live the life you’ve always desired, and deserve.
Love, EliShare this:
Do You Want
To Get More Out of Life?
Enter your name and email to download the top 5 lessons I've learned after a decade of mentorship with Tony Robbins and 2 billionaires, for FREE!